Coming soon…to a brain near you!

What began as truly magnificent, scientific, bio-mechanical research to help spinal cord injuries heal has reached the human testing phase. On the one hand, this is almost miraculous. On the other hand, it has very worrisome implications. And yes, if you want to volunteer, the link to apply can be found at the end of my rant.

Implanted brain-to-muscle wiring could soon reconnect broken or damaged nerves, giving hope to tens of thousands who are wheelchair-bound. However, people want to push this further. In 2016, Elon Musk, along with seven renowned scientists and engineers, founded the biomechanics company Neuralink. Neuralink’s goal? To surgically intertwine the internet directly into our gray matter, allowing a dendrite-computer interface. Musk’s theory is that this will allow humans to control AI, rather than vice versa.

Could this biomechanical partnership turn out to be so beneficial that it becomes mandatory?

These incredibly affordable ($3k-$5k) tiny chips could soon connect us to every library in the world, help the blind see, the lame walk, reverse Parkinson’s, restore memory, control eating habits, notify your doctor when you are having a stroke or heart attack, and alert you when you’re ingesting too much cholesterol.

Initially, during the “N1 Phase” of testing, there will be 1,024 electrodes “laced” (implanted) using nano-threads made from exotic biodegradable material. These electrodes will be guided, then woven, into precise locations by, of course, a fully certified neurosurgical robot.

Image by AI.

According to the hundreds of lab rats who volunteered, humans won’t feel any pain, and the wires (probably) won’t migrate inside your skull. You certainly wouldn’t want the neighbors garage door to open every time you bumped your head.

Neural lace circuitry has been in development for many years, and a growing conglomeration of mind/brain experts agree it could change things (actually, everything) forever. As it advances, this technology could also be programmed to help physicians and dietitians transmit a low-voltage “friendly reminder” to encourage you to exercise or remotely wake you up from a bad dream.

Law enforcement, in cooperation with medical “monitors,” upon detecting the presence of alcohol or nicotine in the bloodstream, could send a teensy-weensy jolt of electro-stimulation to sensitive body parts, helping individuals to stop smoking, prevent drunk driving and, even more importantly, develop healthier habits and attitudes. Could there be new regulations enacted requiring your pharmacist to share medical records with government agencies? There certainly should be.

In the near future, prisoners accepting neurolace chips could be tracked by GPS and would be free to travel almost anywhere, subject to strict monitoring and discretion by everyone involved. It’s easy to imagine parolees (and climate-change deniers) who’ve failed to comply with the terms of their Borg-enhanced freedoms experiencing “punishment voltages” ranging from 15 to 400,000 volts (professionally administered, of course, by court-appointed Shock Troops Guardians).

There will always be a handful of obstinate gun-and-Bible “clingers” refusing to acknowledge that “common sense crime control” can be a global reality once (and only if) every human is “upgraded” with a safe and effective chip implant. What parent would refuse (aka deny) their children the technology that could prevent a kidnapping?

Some Zero-Tolerance tactics—because they were so successful during the Covid pandemic—might be necessary for individuals and groups who refuse, deny or resist this fail-safe neural assimilation. We have met the Borgs, and they are us.

No mask jab neural lace implant? Sorry, but no job, food, public transportation, and social interaction for you.

Un-chipped malcontents and cranial renegades will, for their own good, be denied 911 police/fire assistance, medical care, or full access to their suspiciously “non-compliant” banking accounts.

When a person’s neural records cannot be found at the supermarket scanner or restaurant, only Soylent green and distilled water will be available. Voluntary participation doesn’t always work, but mandatory does.

Bank robberies, home invasions, child abductions, and even those embarrassing and unfashionable ankle bracelets will become a thing of the past because law enforcement will have a digital record of everyone’s location from birth for the past 30 years 24 hours, depending upon which political party is in power.

This giant leap over the edge in technology reminds me of a bad dream I had in 1981. After therapeutically venting this traumatic nightmare in The Journal of Irreproducible Results, I felt much better. (Click and zoom to enlarge each page)

Still, if you’re one of those eager to sign up for the “First-In-Human” clinical trials, click here. After all, with so many brilliant minds behind so many healing electrodes and such good intentions, what could possibly go wrong?