Outrage over plane’s proposed new inward-facing seat design

Let’s file this, right under toe sneakers, and Vegemite 2.0 as stuff we never asked for and do not want.

Designed by German aviation company, the Heinkel Group, before Covid hit in 2020, they were still so confident of their design, they entered it in a competition. I’d call them delusional, but they were short-listed for their trouble.

I must ask, what other designs were entered? A two-seater with no armrests? An in-flight bed with nails?

The Heinkel Group explained their motivation behind the unfortunate design on Facebook as something positive, writing

“Our concept, the Flex Lounge, gives the opportunity to book the first two seat rows and make it your own private little area. Your time together starts after takeoff!”

And while they stipulated that it was for family and friends, I must query if they understand how basic relationships work?

Because, if you are a family, you know that someone – most likely a child – is going to yell “bags not sitting backwards!” and then they’ll be fighting with another child for the rest of your 18-hour flight, or until the child with the weaker tummy vomits on you after sitting backwards.

As for friends, sure, this might be tolerable if you’re travelling from Hamburg to Paris – that’s 1 hour and 40 minutes of zero screen time, just the aggressive level of intimacy that comes from staring at each other non-stop. And maybe you’re into that.

But what happens when you’re travelling from Melbourne to Paris? Friends don’t let friends stay awake on long haul flights. What’s the upshot when you’re two sleeping pills deep and you accidentally lean so far forward you drop?

What happens when one of those shifty people – you know the type – the ones who have no concept of personal space on buses and trains – decides to make the little four-seater their home away from home? And you’ve booked the seat opposite them.

Congratulations, you now get to witness “Rodney” slurp up his defrosted beef stew between great gulps of warm red wine and intricate descriptions of his hobby train set.

You try to smile pleasantly, but you’re knocked in the face by an overpowering odour. Has Rodney broken wind? You wish. It’s his burp, trickling slowly out of his mouth, like a noxious gas escaping a power plant.

Call me judgmental, but to paraphrase John Lennon’s song for world peace, Imagine, “I’m not the only one” – plenty of people on social media have also expressed distaste for it.

Emily Harding tweeted, “I’d rather be put in the luggage hold than have to sit like this on a plane.” And she’s not wrong – at least in luggage hold you’d have privacy.

billysbrain wrote on Instagram, “Great, now I can look into the panicked, desperate eyes of a total stranger as our plane nose dives toward the Earth.”

But it’s Instagram commenter, eddymesh’s very valid question that could hold the key to next year’s design winner.

“Are the people’s faces going to play my movie?”

That’s a design we could get behind.