How Anthony Bourdain’s Raw Honesty Made His Demons Part of His Appeal

But there was a reason why he never slowed down, was incapable of slowing down—why, in fact, he feared slowing down, unless it was in Greece, leisurely enjoying seafood at a waterfront taverna run by the same family for generations, or slurping noodles in Vietnam, one of his favorite places on Earth, with one of the most powerful people in the world.

In 2010 he told the Globe & Mail, “If I have leisure time, I start thinking bad thoughts. I doubt myself. I get paralyzed.” 

While his past drug use became fodder for countless gritty, often humorous, endlessly prosaic, Bright Lights Big City-style anecdotes, his struggle with depression endured—a battle he would talk about with his signature bluntness, biting wit and, in hindsight, heartbreaking honesty.

“I will find myself in an airport, for instance, and I’ll order an airport hamburger,” he said on a 2016 episode of Parts Unknown in which he traveled to Argentina. “It’s an insignificant thing, it’s a small thing, it’s a hamburger, but it’s not a good one. Suddenly I look at the hamburger and I find myself in a spiral of depression that can last for days.”