How empaths can heal from and avoid narcissists

In recent years I’ve come across many sensitive, caring and empathic people who say they seem to attract relationships with people who turn out to be narcissistic.

There are many articles on how to recognize somebody with these traits, once we know them well, but here I can explain how to spot the early signs of trouble and break this pattern.

Please be aware whilst reading this, that we are all complex personalities, and all have some level of vanity in our characters.  Judgment is reserved, this is written to provide clarity and knowledge. 

Why are there so many narcissists?

Over the last few decades the traits of narcissism have become increasingly prevalent in Western society.  From the boom in the fashion industry, to the iconic world of modelling, to where we are now in the age of social media.

Anybody and everybody has a profile on a platform where they show their best features, and talk about all of their happiest and proudest moments.  The new generations are seeking perfection and are more likely to date somebody based on their Instagram profile, than their sense of humor, or common interests.

The pressure on the younger generation to be beautiful and live a seemingly glamorous life is real.  Worst of people feel the to compare and compete with one another, which divides society and causes loneliness and depression.

What are the main traits of a narcissist?

Somebody with narcissistic personality disorder is basically operating from a state of lack.  For them there is something missing deep down and they are forever chasing the need to be satiated and to feel complete.

We may observe that they seem to seek compliments or attention, so that they feel accepted or validated by others.

They will often struggle to listen to others without bringing themselves into the picture, and so have a habit of turning all conversations back to themselves.

Often they are competitive and will try to size up others and draw comparatives, and therefore will often talk about their achievements and accomplishments and rather that being pleased by others’ success, they are more likely to try to bring others down when they are doing well.

Ironically, they do crave admiration and wish to be liked and even loved more than most, so they will be able to very persuasive, charming and can be very good company so long as things are going their way.

Some narcissists may use illness, or disadvantage as a way to deride constant attention and rather than boasting about their achievements, they can become masters at gaining reassurance and sympathy from others.  These ‘covert’ narcissist types, work on a more passive-aggressive level, and may operate with more stealth and hence be more difficult to identify.

Who are empaths?

I’m often told by those with strong empathic natures that they end up in relationships with narcissists.

Empaths are people with an innate sense of others’ feelings, they not only care but actually feel the emotions of others.  Some empaths can take on another’s mood, simply by being near them.  They could be sat on public transport and suddenly overwhelmed with a sense of what the person next to them is feeling.

Often, because empaths feel so deeply, they are drawn to healing professions and have a natural desire to help others.  On this basis, empaths are often more likely to take on negative emotions, so that they can, in effect, share and lessen the burden of those who are suffering.

How does a narcissist win over an empath?

Being healers and people who genuinely want to help others, empaths may have a tendency to be drawn to others who need them the most.  In every empath there is a desire to be a ‘savior’ and that is not because they want to be a hero, but because deep down they also lack confidence, and feel that they need to act in ways that validates their worthiness in love.

A narcissist intrinsically wants attention and the be the center of not only their own universe, but also that of others.  Hence, when a narcissist finds an empath they find an audience so pure, they are magnetically drawn to them.

A narcissist will automatically use their formula for winning affection and this will often consist of a sad story in which they win sympathy from the empath, or perhaps the empath has an overly present sense of goodness and morality, in which case the narcissist will evoke guilt from the empath so that they are beholden.

Or maybe the empath wants to save people, and then the narcissist will convince the empath that they are needed and that they ‘cannot live without them’.

What are the first signs that you may have met somebody with these traits?

I hear from those who have been in relationships with narcissists, that initially they are wonderfully charismatic and charming.  That the in the beginning they are demonstrative, complimentary, witty and romantic.

Ultimately nobody is perfect, and if you meet somebody and they seem…