AUDIO: When it comes to Nikki Haley’s fans, the silly season has begun

For the most part, politics today are depressing and demoralizing. However, occasionally, something comes along that just brightens things up. Nothing does that more perfectly than a horrible song trying to inspire people about a presidential candidate. Today’s exhibit is an homage to the wonders of Nikki Haley, the RINO’s/GOP’s and Democrats’ favored Republican candidate.

Tim Draper is a billionaire venture capitalist. He’s descended from a long line of American venture capitalists. In other words, he’s old money. Draper’s academic pedigree is Phillips Academy Andover, Stanford, and Harvard Business School, so he’s an establishment dude.

Draper was an early investor in Tesla and Skype. He’s also invested in Baidu (China) and Theranos, so he doesn’t always hit the mark either morally or practically. He’s politically all in on free markets, entrepreneurship, and school vouchers, all of which I support, too. I met him once (very briefly) and thought he was a nice man.

Where Draper and I part ways is that he’s also all in on Nikki Haley. To that end, he and his friends got together and created the Nikki Haley Anthem.

The Nikki Haley Anthem is, quite possibly, one of the silliest, worst political songs I’ve ever heard, and that’s saying a lot. Worse, it is obvious that the singers are completely serious. This song is not a joke.

To spare you the agony of listening, I’ve transcribed the lyrics:

(Intro)

Never underestimate;

Never underestimate me, Nikki.

I mean, Nikki.

We need Nikki right now.

(Chorus)

We need you, Nikki, right now to lead our nation.

We need you, Nikki, no doubt to lead the conversation

We need you, Nikki, right now ‘cause families are hurting.

We need you, Nikki.

We need more freedom, more jobs for certain.

(Verse)

We need you, Nikki, to stay united

To bring together a land divided

We need you, Nikki, to heal the sorrow and help our kids have a better tomorrow

(Chorus)

We need you, Nikki, right now to lead our nation.

We need you, Nikki, no doubt, to lead the conversation

We need you, Nikki, right now ‘cause families are hurting.

We need you, Nikki.

We need more freedom, more jobs for certain.

(Verse)

Underestimate me, that should be fun, she said when they asked her about her run

But we all know that she is the one to be our leader when the vote is done.

(Chorus)

We need you, Nikki, right now to lead our nation.

We need you, Nikki, no doubt to lead the conversation

We need you, Nikki, right now ‘cause families are hurting.

We need you, Nikki.

We need more freedom, more jobs for certain.

(RAP)

Now, there’s a lot noise in politics because people hitting each other with their great big sticks. But Nikki Haley stands above the rest because she’s been fully, fully put to the test. Now, with Trump the bully is afraid to fight against 5-inch heels with twice his might. And Biden, who is dying to drain our reserves, when the voters come out he’ll get what he serves.

(Chorus)

We need you, Nikki, right now to lead our nation.

We need you, Nikki, no doubt, to lead the conversation

We need you, Nikki, right now ‘cause families are hurting.

We need you, Nikki.

We need more freedom, more jobs for certain.

(Verse)

We need you, Nikki, to stop big Pharma, to stop big banking, reverse the Karma.

We need you, Nikki, to balance the plates, to push big decisions back to the states.

(Chorus)

We need you, Nikki, right now to lead our nation.

We need you, Nikki, no doubt to lead the conversation

We need you, Nikki, right now ‘cause families are hurting.

We need you, Nikki.

We need more freedom, more jobs for certain.

(Verse and closing)

Nikki, Nikki,

We need Nikki right now

We need Nikki Nikki

We need Nikki, there’s no doubt

We need Nikki right now

We need Nikki Nikki

I feel as if I’ve got a very painful earworm that will need surgical excision to remove. What I don’t feel is persuaded that Nikki Haley is the next great thing in politics. Frankly, this song is exactly as bad as all those “Obama” chant videos that came along in 2008 and again in 2012. This isn’t intelligent political discourse; this is pure banality.

I have just two things to add. First, if you want a brilliant political song, I recommend the Kingston Trio’s 1959 recording of the 1949 MTA song, a Boston mayoral campaign song. (The mayoral campaign was a Progressive who lost, so even good songs don’t make for either good or victorious candidates.)

What makes the MTA song really wonderful (to my way of thinking) is that it’s actually a parody of a long-forgotten song from 1924 about a deadly 1903 train crash, one that’s part of a long line of American train crash songs:

Second, if someone really wants to attack Nikki Haley with music, it’s time to put together a parody of Toni Basil’s classic 1982 song, “Hey, Mickey.”

I can hear that “Hey, Nikki” now… For now, though, I thought I would help out the anthem with my take on what the album cover should look like:

Image: Nikki Haley (edited). YouTube screen grab.