Polyamory: Difference between revisions – Wikipedia

Intimacy for multiple partners

Polyamory (from Ancient Greek πολλοί (polloí) ‘many’, and Latin amor ‘love‘) is the practice of, or desire for, romantic relationships with more than one partner at the same time, with the informed consent of all partners involved.^[1][2] People who identify as polyamorous may believe in open relationships with a conscious management of jealousy and reject the view that sexual and relational exclusivity (monogamy) are prerequisite for deep, committed, long-term, loving relationships.^[3] Others prefer to restrict their sexual activity to only members of the group, a closed polyamorous relationship that is usually referred to as polyfidelity.^[4][5]

Polyamory has come to be an umbrella term for various forms of non-monogamous, multi-partner relationships, or non-exclusive sexual or romantic relationships.^[6][7][8] Its usage reflects the choices and philosophies of the individuals involved, but with recurring themes or values, such as love, intimacy, honesty, integrity, equality, communication, and commitment.^[9][2] It can often be distinguished from some other forms of ethical non-monogamy in that the relationships involved are loving intimate relationships, as opposed to purely sexual relationships.^[10]

Terminology[edit]

The word polyamorous first appeared in an article by Morning Glory Zell-Ravenheart, “A Bouquet of Lovers”, published in May 1990 in Green Egg Magazine, as “poly-amorous”.^[11] In May 1992, Jennifer L. Wesp created the Usenet newsgroup alt.polyamory, and the Oxford English Dictionary (OED) cites the proposal to create that group as the first verified appearance of the word.^[11] In 1999, Zell-Ravenheart was asked by the editor of the OED to provide a definition of the term, and she provided it for the UK version as “the practice, state or ability of having more than one sexual loving relationship at the same time, with the full knowledge and consent of all partners involved.”^[12] The words polyamory, polyamorous, and polyamorist were added to the OED in 2006.^[13]

Some reference works define “polyamory” as a relational form (whether interpersonal or romantic or sexual) that involves multiple people with the consent of all the people involved, like Oxford Living Dictionaries, Cambridge Advanced Learner’s Dictionary and Thesaurus, and Dictionary.com.^{[14][15][16][17]} Some criticized the Merriam-Webster definition of polyamory, which defines the term as “the state or practice of having more than one open romantic relationship at a time,”^[18] as missing a “vital component”: consent.^[19]

The word polyamory combines the Greek word for many (poly) and the Latin word for love (amor).^[20]

Primary and secondary[edit]

Primary and secondary (and occasionally tertiary) are words used by some polyamorists to distinguish between different degrees of relationship and to describe participants in those relationships (e.g. “John is my primary”).

The type of entanglement/involvement described varies according to the speaker. The terms generally refer to one or more of the following:

• Emotional involvement: the intensity or depth of participants’ feelings for one another.
• Logistic involvement: living and financial arrangements, shared child-rearing, etc.
• Ground rules within relationships: participants might agree that the maintenance of a particular relationship takes priority over others, making that relationship ‘primary’.

(Within the “class of relationship” usage, it is not always the case that the existence of a primary relationship excludes the possibility of other primary relationships; some polyamorists consider themselves to have more than one primary relationship, perhaps along with one or more secondaries. Some polyamorists may also consider themselves to currently have only secondary relationships, and may or may not be seeking primary relationship(s). Within the strict “ranking” usage there can usually by definition be only one primary partner, and one secondary, etc. Some polyamorists use a mixture of these usages – for example defining their largest involvement as “primary” by rank, while lumping all others as “secondary” by class.)

‘Primary/secondary/tertiary’ terminology is not universally accepted among polyamorists. Some consider the terms (or some usages of the terms) as demeaning to ‘secondaries’ and ‘tertiaries’, or as an undesirable form of pigeonholing, and so prefer not to classify their relationships in this way.

Among those who use these terms, the issue of prescription and description arises. Most prefer to take a descriptive approach, using these terms to convey the nature of their relationships to others but not to decide the nature of those relationships. However, some also use them prescriptively. The distinction may be understood by comparing examples. From the “class of relationship” usage:

• Descriptive: “I raise children and share finances with…