Raw recap & reactions (Jan. 24, 2022): No limit to what our love can do

This go home edition of Monday Night Raw is brought to you by absolutely nobody. But this recap is hosted by yours truly, while Claire handles blogging duties as per usual.

The Royal Rumble is Jan. 29. Is WWE ready? Dig in and find out.

Let’s talk Raw!

Do Not Boo Birthdays

Miz is an awful singer. Lucky for us, he’s a pretty good wrestler. That means Miz can take even the most stereotypical professional sports entertainment wrestling segments, like a birthday celebration for Maryse, and make it work. In fact, Maryse, Edge, and Beth Phoenix all played their parts just as well in Raw’s best story going into the Royal Rumble.

For those who missed last week due to football or just living their lives, Maryse hit Beth with a brick. Yes, a brick. Sure, it was wrapped in a leather purse, but it was still a brick. Chaos ensued when Edge and Maryse hit the ring, dispatching members of Miz and Maryse’s security one by one with odes to tag teams of the past.

And it was cool. But this was the main event angle on the go home show for the Royal Rumble. I know, I know. “The Rumble sells itself,” is what you’re probably saying to yourself. And maybe they don’t really need to give us a hook other than a bunch of guys on camera saying how much they want to win. But this is a visual medium, people. Show, don’t tell is still the name of the game, and it’s a game WWE used to play really well. What main event star on Raw made it known just how much they want need to win?

Kevin Owens is suddenly more interested in the United States Championship, Seth Rollins is fighting for the Universal Championship, Bobby Lashley is squaring off with Brock Lesnar, and Big E is milk carton status as of earlier this month. This speaks to a larger issue within WWE, which is the black hole that is both men’s championship pictures, but in particular, the second-class citizen treatment of the WWE Championship.

Does anyone really believe one of the Street Profits, The Mysterios, or the Dirty Dawgz have a shot at winning the main event spot at WrestleMania? Maybe Rey, and that’s only because he’s the cover boy for their (hopefully) rehabilitated video game. But for the most part, it doesn’t compute.

WWE spent a lot of last year and the past several months telling us that these championships have permanent residences. What’s worse is not many cats are booked to look like competent competitors for either. There’s nobody to believe in and no one like Steve Austin, Bret Hart, or Shawn Michaels, three men who needed to be the last man standing more than they needed oxygen.

Rather than Raw closing with someone out for blood and ready to burn the entire arena down to beat 29 other guys, we got Beth and Edge, posing for the cameras looking ready to partake in a mosh pit.

We Need to Talk about Damian

Let’s not mince words here: The “Damian” thing isn’t working. I waxed semi-poetic about this several weeks ago, but this week made it clearer than white crystal. Damian Priest defended his U.S. title against Kevin Owens because the latter gave the former his first loss on the main roster last week. The nature of Damian’s “I’m not a killer but don’t push me” character means he gets DQ’d more often than not. WWE solved this once when he wrestled Dolph Ziggler. Shockingly, Priest controlled himself because he knew a DQ meant the end of his championship reign.

But then there are matches like this week, where a DQ means he takes the L but keeps the gold. Guess how it ended? And it’s a shame because Priest and KO put on a pretty good contest before the ending. Priest lost it when KO faked another injury, and managed to retain the title. The crowd was on KO’s side the entire time and rightly unleashed the boo birds when the match ended. And no, Damian, they weren’t shouting “Boo-urns.”

Priest’s current gimmick means he retains his title damn near every match because someone makes him lose his cool. It’s cheap, renders matches moot, and, at least for one week, got the crowd rooting for the supposed heel. And we still don’t know where the gimmick is going because or why it exists!

Whew, okay I’m done now. Carry on with the rest of the recap.

Extracurriculars

Get Your Weight Up

Brock Lesnar doesn’t take Bobby Lashley seriously, doesn’t take the WWE Championship seriously, nor did he take this segment seriously. Lashley and Lesnar partook in a weigh-in. Why? To tell us both men are incredibly large and capable of popping most human heads like grapes. Lesnar’s attire, demeanor, and overall vibe made it very entertaining. Lashley still wants Lesnar to view him as a threat, but it’s just not happening.

There’s nothing more to say about Raw’s opening segment. It worked because the people…